“Even in the darkest places you can find happiness. You just have to remember to turn on the light.”
September 6-12th was National Suicide Prevention Week. For many it was just another week, but for some this is more significant that: For some, it brings back the memories of our own attempt at ending our lives. For some of us, this is a reminder of the self-harm that we have inflicted. For some of us, this is a reminder of the friends we have lost. For some of us, this is a reminder of the pain that took us to these places.
The World Health Organization (WHO) states that suicide is the third leading cause of death among 15 to 30 year olds worldwide. They estimate that in the year 2020, approximately 1.5 million youth and adults will die from suicide. That is one person every 20 seconds and one attempt every 1-2 seconds worldwide.
WHO estimates that each year 200,000 young people (ages 15-30) attempt to take their lives worldwide. A survey by WHO of youth in grades 9-12 in public and private schools in the United States found that 15% of students reported seriously considering suicide, 11% created a plan, and 7% tried to take their own life in the 12 months preceding the survey.
What do these numbers mean? On average, in an ordinary U.S. high school classroom of 30, 5 classmates have seriously considered suicide, 3 have created a plan, and 2 have tried to take their lives. Think about the people you see everyday--the people you care about--and think about those numbers.
So, why, if this is happening so much and so many youth are dealing with issues around suicide, are we not talking about it more? The discussion around these issues needs to increase. Why is it still taboo? So often we fail to bring awareness to find possible solutions that can save lives. It’s still taboo for me to bring up the subject in a class of my peers, or in casual conversation with my friends? Why is it so difficult for youth to “come out” about their own experiences with self harm? Why isn’t this something that we are talking about? What keeps us silent?
Stigma.
Stigma has kept me from talking about my own experiences for years. It’s distressing to think that even though we queer folk consider ourselves (for the most part) liberal, broadminded and open, we still cannot come together as a community.
As we struggle to find a place in society, we further separate those closest to us by ostracizing those folks who most need us.
I know I may sound like a hypocrite, considering the fact that I too attempted to take my own life and for a number of months used self harm to deal with the emotions I was going through. I only recently realized that the reason I continued to do so and not ask for help was because I didn’t think it was appropriate to talk about what I was going through. I was already a triple minority being an immigrant queer youth of color and felt that this would only serve to further ostracize me from my peers-- when the only thing I wanted was to blend in. Self harm and suicide was always talked about in such a judgmental way, and people always felt pity for characters on TV or in movies that were dealing with these issues. I never wanted my peers to pity me and so I was forced to keep my self-harm a secret.
The only person that I ever told in high school was a friend who was going to commit suicide with me. Thinking about it now, the idea of forming a suicide pact is disturbing. Frightening that at such a young age I was willing to do something so drastic. It remains just a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Just this past month, one of my friends came to me to talk about their own issues with suicide. He felt so much pain and embarrassment when telling me that he started to cry. Mind you, this is a person that I have been friends with for a long time. We have talked about everything. Yet he couldn’t talk to me about his own thoughts of self-harm and suicide.
The truth is there are many people that go through this. I have spoken to so many young people that feel like they are the only one. (Remember: five in a classroom of 30!). What’s even more surprising is the fact that most of the youth that I have spoken with are not even “the ones” you would think would want to take their lives. They are youth that from the outside, look completely happy, that should feel happy with all the things they have, all the potential they possess--yet are contemplating and attempting suicide.
There really is no way to know if someone is having suicidal thoughts, unless they actually tell you. Just like “gaydar” doesn’t exist; there is no real way to know for sure whether someone is thinking about suicide.
There are, however, some signs that you can look for if you think someone is at risk or is dealing with these issues:
- A previous suicide attempt
- Current talk of suicide or making a plan
- Strong wish to die or a preoccupation with death
- Giving away prized possessions
- Signs of depression, such as moodiness, hopelessness, withdrawal
- Increased alcohol and/or other drug use
- Hinting at not being around in the future or saying good-bye
These warning signs are especially noteworthy in light of:
- A recent death or suicide of a friend or family member
- A recent break-up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, or conflict with parents
- News reports of other suicides by young people in the same school or community
Other key risk factors include:
- Readily accessible firearms
- Impulsiveness and taking unnecessary risks
- Lack of connection to family and friends (no one to talk to)
Just because someone displays one or a few of these signs does not mean that they want or are planning to commit suicide. Sometimes you might see all of these signs, and sometimes you may not see any at all. The biggest factor might be a drastic change in attitude or character.
For instance, there are some weeks when I distance myself from peers, because we all need some space from time to time. And that is okay. We may not always have the right answers as to how to help someone, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. For me, all it took was someone asking how I was doing. All it took was a role model reaffirming me that everything would be okay and that there were solutions to the feelings I was having. It only took one person showing they really cared to keep me from taking my own life.
For LGBTQ youth who are more likely to experience depression and rejection by friends and/or family, acceptance and understanding can be a matter of life and death. The risk of suicide in LGBTQ young people is 2 to 3 times greater than in their straight counterparts. We all may feel down and depressed at times. It’s perfectly normal to experience sadness and isolation. It’s natural for someone to withdraw from society when these feelings are bad, but it is important to take ourselves out of this isolation. We also must reach out and affirm the feelings that youth (and adults) in depression are feeling.
So what can we do to save some of these lives?
1. TALK ABOUT IT.
2. Stop making fun of/poking jokes at self-harm so that others can talk about it.
3. Pass legislation to protect school youth from harassment.
4. Donate (time, money, resources etc.) to organizations that save lives like The Trevor Project and Advocates for Youth.
Additional Sources and Statistics
www.dianedew.com/suistats.htm
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1489848
www.cdc.gov/ncipc/dvp/suicide/youthsuicide.htm
www.Safeyouth.Org
